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Saturday, July 11, 2020

Rampage Of Ease

Aquire a State of Ease

Maybe you'd like to put yourself in a state where you are in acceptance and are tranquil. Listen to this as if you are telling this to yourself. It should help ease your conscious awareness into a deep state of Ease.

And just for fun, how about a Rampage of Happiness too:

This Site is Back Up


Apparently, this blog has been down since July 4th, due to me using my new domain name "" and Google sent me an email to verify my email address again, but this time for the new address.

I didn't see that email, and I only just now realized that the blog was pulled down until I verified my email.

Well, it's verified now. When I saw that it was down, my first thought was, "Was it pulled down due to its content?"  But no, it was something simple like verifying my email, which of course is a Google Gmail address, so apparently there is no automatic connection between Google Domains and Google Mail.

Anyway, welcome back to this site. I apologize for it being down. I had hoped to try to acquire some new site viewers from Facebook and have been sharing the link to this site there recently, but now I see that each time a new person tried to view my blog they found there was no site at the provided address.

Technology strikes again!

Wednesday, July 1, 2020

Dream Log: A Divine Test

Dream Log July 1, 2020

Dream Log Logo

I find my dreams frequently incorporate some sort of character that is trying to convince me of something or pass on some sort of message. While I can't ever be sure that I'm purposefully visited (the practical side of my mind calls it all "subconscious"), over the years I've started to have reoccurring issues enough that I start to see a pattern develop.

So, I'm going to start a "Dream Log" here on this blog where I share particularly impactful dreams.

Early this morning around 5am, July 1, 2020, I found myself in a nightmare. I was finding myself in painful or horribly embarrassing situations, and once during a particularly embarrassing moment, a being stepped forward in my dream and interrupted me. He introduced himself:

"I've been sent here by 'God' to test you." He sneered at me. Instantly, I felt like he did not represent any god I recognized, but the dream then continued. 

I found myself in violent situations where people were trying to beat me. I was in some sort of subway train station (which is strange, given that I live in one of the most rural areas of the US). Instead of letting a group of uniformed figures attack me, I threw myself on the train track. Then the dream shifted to a figure pointing a gun at me. I grabbed the gun and pointed it at my head, and the figure pulled the trigger. I said out loud to myself, "Good. Now, this test is over."

I then heard the testing being say to me, "No, this test is not over yet." And I was back facing the figure with the gun. Again, I pressed the gun to my head and the figure pulled the trigger. "Then it's over now," I said. I heard the voice again saying, "No, it's not."

Then I found myself facing multiple figures all attacking me. I was forced to kill or be killed, and each time I would simply allow the figures to kill me, and the being would reset the dream until I became violent and struck down those attacking me.

Eventually, I became very frustrated. I had had ENOUGH.

I felt my inner power rising up, and I raised my hands up and willed the dream to completely freeze in place. I then wiped my hands in front of me and willed the violent figures to fade away, then I willed the dream to fade away until only the original being who said he was testing me was left.

I then walked up to him, and I felt myself transform. I could see myself from outside my body, and the transformation was RADICAL.  I was humungous, looking like some sort of giant fluid dragon. I filled the entire space and surrounded the being, who looked surprised. I heard myself say, "You think you're the first one to try and test me like this, the first one to do this?" I felt like I had revealed some sort of "true form" of myself, and I was not having what this being was forcing upon me. 

Then the dream totally shifted again. I was in a room surrounded by more attacking figures, but I had no fear inside me anymore. I raised my hands and felt my inner power flow, and I froze the figures in place. Instead of attacking me, they began to sing. I felt such joy at their song. 

More figures suddenly appeared before me, and instead of being attacked or fighting back, I felt myself radiate my heart's love toward them, and they faded away. They stopped attacking and stopped being aggressive. They shifted, as if from the power of the force of love-energy I was projecting toward them.

Then there was another shift, and I heard a voice speak behind my head, "He has used some sort of ultra reality device against us."  I knew the voice was one of my spiritual guides, who are always present with me, awake or dreaming. They don't speak very often, but I have heard them both awake and in dreams, telling me to 'have courage' or asking me to 'remember' them when they appear in my dreams. 

So I thought to myself, if this being testing me had used some sort of device to alter my dreamtime, I could do the same thing. And I expanded my energetic self in a huge fashion, and I declared out loud, "I have taken control of this entire area." The dream then shifted to some sort of chamber of horrors, but I had no fear. I stepped forward to walk down a dark ominous hallway...

...but then I suddenly felt a very physical "pushing" sensation on my belly. I looked down, and I realized I was awake and looking down at myself, and my cat was standing on my belly, doing some sort of chest compression-like motion on my belly. He has never done that before to me, ever. But he did this when I was at the worst place in my dream, and it woke me up.

To me, I feel like my cat sensed my distress and decided I had to WAKE UP from the nightmare. I spent the whole morning telling him 'thank you' and expressing what a 'good kitty' he is. He's literally sleeping on my laptop as I'm typing this, and he's been by my side all day.

Meet "Tux," my protector cat.

What was this dream? Was it really a test of some sort? Or was it something taunting me and claiming to represent some divine force? Why would a divine force want to taunt, hurt or kill me in my dreams? Perhaps to force me to 'reveal' whatever I became finally in my dream?

I leave this experience feeling like I learned more about my 'true self.' I've always felt I was energetically much larger than my human body. I frequently expand myself to the size of the Earth, the Solar System, the Galaxy and out beyond even that in my meditations, and I have felt the presence of other consciousness when I do that. Sometimes it's been scary; sometimes it has been enlightening. Other times it has been a joyful experience.

I woke up today joyful at seeing my cat standing over me protectively, and I felt good about my transformation and the singing of the figures in my dream (which was quite beautiful, rhythmic and unique). But who was that being in my dream? Was it just my subconscious, or was something really connecting to me, for better or worse.

I have more questions than answers, but it was certainly an experience worth noting here on my blog.

Friday, June 19, 2020

Old Blog Description

This was this blog's previous description:

2013 - June 2020

"A unique perspective of Ascension, Awareness and ultimate Spiritual Awakening and Liberation. Here I share my experiences with the new energies of the "New Earth," which have reminded me of my mastery, my heritage and unique role as an aware blending of SOURCE energies, an important piece of the Creator. As Apprentice of Elohim, I currently seek Oneness and Unity Consciousness - All to energetically anchor and support the world's safe and successful Ascension."

I've gone from a fixation on the idea of Ascension for all humanity to focusing on pursing advanced education and hopefully earning a career within the next five years. It's hard to focus on both at times, but I think I was using my descent into spiritual rabbit holes to cloud my judgement in the past. I think one can live their life like they want to, though I do feel intwined with higher powers that are pulling my life in a certain direction that will involve me pursing advanced education first.

Above all, I trust God, the Universe, my Deities...whatever you want to call that sense of benevolence, joy and wonder I feel when I focus on that which is Higher. That is leading me on a path toward a better future, and they are certainly giving me amazingly great days with a close family and a circle of friends. I'm living one day at a time, and I'm finding joys in each and every day. That makes for a life worth living, right?

My Near Future (the next few years)

The Beginnings of a Plan

If I go back and reread the entires in this blog, I feel a mixture of sympathy, wonder and, yes, pity too. But somehow I picked myself up and have still survived the best I can living in a body really injured and broken down by how hard I partied in my 20s and 30s. I'm hoping I can revitalize myself through good diet, exercise, some herbal supplements and taking my physician-prescribed medicines everyday. This blog makes me hyper-aware of the bumpy road I've walked in my life.

But doesn't everyone have their own bumpy road? Suffering is something all humans have in common, and we can have compassion with each other if we seek to understand it. Many Spiritual Traditions and Religions teach ways to alleviate or comfort suffering. Some take away a lot of pleasure too, and that just has never really sat well with me. I feel like I'm supposed to enjoy this human life, with liberty and in the pursuit of happiness. 

The life I have now, I am not really that aware of my suffering, as I've reached the point in my life where I'm thankful to be alive each day. I am doing my best to live each day where I continue to increase my education and knowledge of this world. I'm making plans for a late-in-life career.

And that requires engaging with the "ReAL WorLD" and actually finishing my degree. That requires a lot of discipline, but I'm making almost all A's and excelling at school. I was awarded a special scholarship for Non-Traditional students.

I'm in my last year at my University, and I'm already setting my sights on Grad School the following year. I have some options there, regarding what to study and what to choose as a career destination for after I finish my education. I have seven classes to take to finish my Bachelor of Arts in English after this Summer semester. I'm really believing in myself, and I'm convinced I can successfully complete it

I could possibly pursue a Master of Arts in English. I'd be well-qualified and able to succeed in that, I believe. That would be amazing as well as also quite expensive ($30K). I'd be directly using what I've been studying so hard at GSW for my English degree, and I'd be expansing what I could learn about literature, composition and the study of language even further. What I'm studying is shaping how I'm thinking, what I think about and how I feel about the human race looking at it through the lens of our literature.

Or perhaps I could get a Masters in Education in Counseling focused on Mental Health Counseling at a University in a city near my home in rural SW Georgia. I believe this would require a deeper commitment to serving others and a commitment to better myself as best I can to be able to serve people that need help in situations of crisis. That might be a tall order for me, to be honest. But it's a very real option I can consider.

I think what I'm going to do is work hard to fulfill the requirements for both of these two schools, and then depending on financial concerns (which are a very real issue in my pursing a Graduate degree) and where my heart, mind and soul take me as I finally finish a Bachelor's degree after many, many years of working toward one.

Thursday, June 18, 2020

What to Do For This Blog?

What's Next for the Ascended Apprentice? 

I'm not sure what to do with this blog. 

The history in this blog goes back many years. It chronicles a time in my life that I would call my violent spiritual awakening as well as periods of time when I was struggling the most with addictions. Both circumstances felt like I was going to die in one way or the other. 

This blog also sort of chronicles my explorations into mysticism. I felt like I was being initiated into something powerful, but I've since learned that using unhealthy coping mechanisms leads to an unhealthy spiritual awakening. 

But even today I can say "I'm staring over on the Path," and maybe I can do it better than I've done it in the past. Perhaps it can hurt less than it has in the past. Or perhaps I'm better able to navigate the pain of shadow work. 

Here's Google's definition of...

  1. 1. 
    belief that union with or absorption into the Deity or the absolute, or the spiritual apprehension of knowledge inaccessible to the intellect, may be attained through contemplation and self-surrender.
    "St. Theresa's writings were part of the tradition of Christian mysticism"
  2. 2. 
    belief characterized by self-delusion or dreamy confusion of thought, especially when based on the assumption of occult qualities or mysterious agencies.

Two very different ideas of mysticism, one describing a great truth of the mystical path, and the second giving the idea of what most people think of if I were to tell them "I'm on a mystical path."

This blog needs to be reoriented...

Image Credit: Earthporn

I have been keeping a journal this past year, mostly to talk about my school work as a Senior at Georgia Southwestern State University as an English Major. But I'm also returning to walk consciously in my Spiritual Path. I'm still exploring different ideas of spirituality, some religious, some mystical. I've found many traditions that speak of a service to humanity and of selfless living. I've been spending a lot of time on the website for Center for Sacred Science in Oregon. I've been reading their Ten Selfless Precepts, almost once a day for the past couple of weeks. 

They are something I can aspire to, but if the way I've lived my life in the past decades is any indication of my future...  I don't know if it's actually possible to live a human life with holding true to all ten of these all at the same time for any major length of time, but I think the act of "trying" or "self assessing" each day on my progress is actually doing something very positive to me. I'm going to keep reading them and thinking about the idea of being Selfless, whatever that actually means.

If you're reading this far, thanks for visiting this blog, which I think I'm going to start using as my spiritual journal, electronic grimoire and place where I just put my thoughts in words. That's all it's ever been, as I consider myself an Apprentice on the pathway of Light and Dark, living a life filled with both but striving to bring more Light into the world.